I See You Looking

08 Jul 2013 Leave a comment

by okmatch in Dating, Dating Etiquette, Matches, Online Dating Advice

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Checking out profiles on OkCupid? They know you’re there! The fact that men could see when I’d visited their profiles never seemed worrisome enough to warrant and upgrade (paid subscription) to view them anonymously.  Then this happened:

I received a message beginning  “Good morning miss.. ”  and checked out the profile to see if it was as uninteresting as the message itself. (Note double ellipses. Note the fact that he calls me “miss”. Who says that?)

My quick check of his profile revealed:

  1. Unattractive and overweight
  2. Lives far away
  3. Older than my age range
  4. He doesn’t say anything interesting about himself

I went on with my day, not giving the message or profile another thought until he sent a second message: “no reply? Are you not interested?” I wasn’t sure if he meant to convey shock (shock!) that I might not be swooning over his profile or if he was chiding me for not giving him the courtesy of a response. Most people seem to take a hint–if I don’t respond, they understand I am not interested and move on. I get a lot of messages and don’t feel like I have to spend all my time responding to every one of them. Especially if it’s just a couple sentences and someone who seems blatantly not a match and could figure that out on his own if he’d bothered to read my profile rather than just look at my photos.

But maybe this is a discourteous attitude. I either had to politely decline or block him. Showing good manners I wrote:

“Thanks for writing but I feel we’re not a good match. I wish you the best of luck out there.”

That, I figured, was the end of it. Of course, getting out of that page on the web app version, I accidentally clicked on his profile, eliciting a new message, which I believe he wrote before he got my “no thank you” message.

“I see you are looking why dont you just reply ? wink” 

Let’s put aside the lack of apostrophe and run on sentence and move right on to the tone. I see you looking is kind of creepy by itself. Why don’t you just reply is rather aggressive. And then the wink, maybe meant to lighten the tone but only actually serves to further creep me out. I guess it is now time to hit the “block” button.

Knows How to Treat a Lady and Other Stupid Profile Lines

12 Feb 2013 Leave a comment

by okmatch in Dating Etiquette, Deal Breakers, Matches, No thanks, Online Dating Advice, Worst Opening Lines

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I know how to treat a lady

What are men on dating sites thinking when they brag about this particular proficiency? Maybe they mean to say, I am chivalrous; I will open doors and pull out chairs for you. Which is fine, I guess, if you are into that kind of thing. For my part, I find it cute on a first date and tiresome afterward.

Or perhaps they mean to distinguish themselves from the the sit-on-the-couch-and-shout-for-a-beer type It’s one of those distinctions which suggests pretty low standards.

No one boasts he knows how to treat a woman by the way. Gentlemen: have you ever heard a female refer to herself as a “lady”? The word suggests a bygone era and a certain kind of proper behavior: polite, quiet, passive. Good luck finding her.

We women also tend to believe that we are individuals, not a class of people who all wanted to be “treated” the same way. Isn’t there an artificiality in “treating” a person rather than, I don’t know, interacting with her? Like playing a role. Why not, say, be a good listener, instead?

From the Who-Me-Bitter Department

The bar scene is getting pretty old

I totally get you, Mr. No More Bar Scene. You’ve been hanging out at bars, trying to pick up hotties and have finally given up. I am honored.

No drama please

Good thing you said so. I was going to try to create drama, but now I won’t bother you with any uncomfortable emotions.

Tired of games

Oh, you poor wounded man! Your last girlfriend hurt you! I’ll do my darndest to protect your fragile ego.

Here I am again

Your lack of success on the online dating scene is like a pheromone pouring out of my screen.

Awkward

19 Dec 2012 Leave a comment

by okmatch in Dating Etiquette, Deal Breakers, Dear OkMatch, Online Dating Advice Tags: , , ,

Dear OkMatch,

What is the proper dating etiquette, if while making out with your date, you discover he has one or more deal breakers going against him? And does it matter if he’s cute or not? How about if he seems to have been afraid to tell you he listens to Rush Limbaugh instead of NPR because he fears you might dump him?

Sincerely,

Awkward Position

Dear Awkward,

First of all, I am curious how in the world Rush Limbaugh or NPR came up while you were making out. Well, in any case, in the future you might want to investigate your date’s political leanings, if that’s so important to you, over, say, dinner. Maybe at the bar afterward. Perhaps you don’t need that second drink, either, when you know perfectly well what drink number two is going to lead to–ignoring all the signs that this is the wrong guy and making out with him anyway.

But back to your question. You can employ the tried and true, “Oh, my. Look how late it is and I have to get up early tomorrow to go skiing!” Then, when he calls again, you can say you’ve thought about it and realize you are not a good match. Rather than tentatively committing to date number three because you are remembering how cute and sweet he is and you can’t bear to say no just yet.

Best of luck out there,

OkMatch

Strange Bedfellows

18 Dec 2012 1 Comment

by okmatch in Deal Breakers, Dear OkMatch, No thanks, Online Dating Advice Tags: , , , , ,

Dear OkMatch,

I don’t know if I’m being too picky, or not picky enough. Here is my current list of deal breakers:

  • Listens to Rush Limbaugh and/or Fox News
  • Thinks skiing is too cold (or hiking too buggy or camping too uncomfortable)
  • Considers hanging out next to a pool an exciting vacation
  • His idea of outdoor sports  consists of hunting and snowmobiling
  • Online dating is his hobby
  • Smokes
  • Works minimum wage job
  • High school education
  • Doesn’t read books or only reads Ayn Rand
  • Eats a lot of junk food or mostly meat and potatoes
  • Is overweight, under 5’6″  or otherwise physically unattractive

Sincerely,

Up Late Talking to Unsuitable Men

Dear Up Late,

It’s good to know what you want, but don’t you think you’re being a bit too critical? You couldn’t fall for a guy who likes to snowmobile? And, if you have so many deal breakers, why are you still going on so many dates with unsuitable men? Perhaps you should whittle this down to five deal breakers and stick to them.

Best of Luck,

OkMatch

Body Style

04 Dec 2012 Leave a comment

by okmatch in Online Dating Advice Tags: , , , , , , ,

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If this is what you think “fit”, “toned” or “athletic” (depending on the dating site’s terminology), looks like, you might need to readjust your expectations for online dating. Based on photos and meetings in person, here is my guide to interpreting the most common choices for “body type” or “body style”:

fit, toned, or athletic: I’ve got muscles…somewhere under here! I mean, I used to be in shape, but face it, ladies, I’m way better than average so I can’t put that. Yeah, I’m fit…maybe with a little beer gut.

about average: So, I’ve put on some pounds, but no more than the ordinary American male, right? And when I wear my shirt untucked I’m looking pretty hot, anyway.

a few extra pounds, a little extra: The doctor says I have to lose weight or I’ll probably die early. But you only live once!

What’s weird to me is that a guy will write choose “fit” and then post photos of his not-so-fit bare torso. Do some guys have body dysmorphic disorder in reverse? They look at their flabby bodies and think, “I’m too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy, it hurts…” Sing it, Right Said Fred!