What Color Pantyhose? And Other Ways Not to Woo Me

20 Apr 2013 Leave a comment

by okmatch in Dating, No thanks, Worst Opening Lines Tags: , , , , , , ,

I think this guy is stretching himself some kind of metaphor…or undergarment?

Hi if you made me into your pantyhose what color pair would you make me into please and after you tell me what color I will fully explain what I am getting at and what this entails and it isnt about sex I promise.

It keeps going, but it only gets more incoherent. Confession: For some reason I felt sorry for this guy and felt compelled to give him some advice rather than ignore him. Me:

I have no clue what you’re getting at but you’re young and seem earnest so I thought I’d give you the benefit of a little feedback: try another tactic with the next woman you contact. Tell her what you like about her profile and/or what you think you have in common. Ask her a question about herself based on her profile.

Good luck out there.

Him:

Do you know what pantyhose are ?

Me:

I do. Unless you are talking about something other than the article of clothing. In any case, I was just trying to tell you in a nice way that I found your message off-putting and if you are not having success on this site, messages like that may be why. You can take or leave the advice. I also was trying to let you know that I am not interested. I wish you the best of luck in your search.

Then he deleted his account.

Here’s another losing strategy. Referring to a hobby I describe being passionate about in my profile, another guy writes

lol ur so funny

Oh, yeah? Well I think your football team is funny, too. And your favorite beer. And your car, lol!

 

Awkward

19 Dec 2012 Leave a comment

by okmatch in Dating Etiquette, Deal Breakers, Dear OkMatch, Online Dating Advice Tags: , , ,

Dear OkMatch,

What is the proper dating etiquette, if while making out with your date, you discover he has one or more deal breakers going against him? And does it matter if he’s cute or not? How about if he seems to have been afraid to tell you he listens to Rush Limbaugh instead of NPR because he fears you might dump him?

Sincerely,

Awkward Position

Dear Awkward,

First of all, I am curious how in the world Rush Limbaugh or NPR came up while you were making out. Well, in any case, in the future you might want to investigate your date’s political leanings, if that’s so important to you, over, say, dinner. Maybe at the bar afterward. Perhaps you don’t need that second drink, either, when you know perfectly well what drink number two is going to lead to–ignoring all the signs that this is the wrong guy and making out with him anyway.

But back to your question. You can employ the tried and true, “Oh, my. Look how late it is and I have to get up early tomorrow to go skiing!” Then, when he calls again, you can say you’ve thought about it and realize you are not a good match. Rather than tentatively committing to date number three because you are remembering how cute and sweet he is and you can’t bear to say no just yet.

Best of luck out there,

OkMatch