lines | p.s. will you marry me?

What Color Pantyhose? And Other Ways Not to Woo Me

20 Apr 2013 Leave a comment

by okmatch in Dating, No thanks, Worst Opening Lines Tags: dating, dating advice, dating profile, deal breaker, lines, Match.com, okcupid, online dating

I think this guy is stretching himself some kind of metaphor…or undergarment?

Hi if you made me into your pantyhose what color pair would you make me into please and after you tell me what color I will fully explain what I am getting at and what this entails and it isnt about sex I promise.

It keeps going, but it only gets more incoherent. Confession: For some reason I felt sorry for this guy and felt compelled to give him some advice rather than ignore him. Me:

I have no clue what you’re getting at but you’re young and seem earnest so I thought I’d give you the benefit of a little feedback: try another tactic with the next woman you contact. Tell her what you like about her profile and/or what you think you have in common. Ask her a question about herself based on her profile.

Good luck out there.

Him:

Do you know what pantyhose are ?

Me:

I do. Unless you are talking about something other than the article of clothing. In any case, I was just trying to tell you in a nice way that I found your message off-putting and if you are not having success on this site, messages like that may be why. You can take or leave the advice. I also was trying to let you know that I am not interested. I wish you the best of luck in your search.

Then he deleted his account.

Here’s another losing strategy. Referring to a hobby I describe being passionate about in my profile, another guy writes

lol ur so funny

Oh, yeah? Well I think your football team is funny, too. And your favorite beer. And your car, lol!

Hell Bent

19 Dec 2012 Leave a comment

by okmatch in Dating Etiquette, No thanks Tags: dating, dating profile, lines, no thanks, okcupid, online dating, online photo, online profile, younger guys

i guess your hell bent on finding a relationship and are too scared to be ith someone who thinks your beautiful but might not want to have a relationship with you

This was from a guy whom I already told I didn’t think we were a good match. It kind of speaks for itself, I know, but I can’t resist taking this one apart.

I’ll set aside the fact that I just can’t date anyone who doesn’t know how to use an apostrophe as a given and move on.

“Hell bent”…swoon! He sure knows how to sweep a lady right off her feet!

Perhaps somebody in his life told him that if you want to turn that rejection around, try going on the offensive. If she turns you down, call her out for being “stubbornly and recklessly determined” (hell bent, according to Miriam Webster). Trying to follow his logic here…I am foolishly desiring a relationship…that makes the choice to be with someone who doesn’t want a relationship, prudent?

Not to sound too vain, but he seems to be suggesting that “someone who thinks your beautiful” makes him uniquely qualified to go out with me. If I were going to respond to his message, maybe I would point out that a) the fact that he is only interested based on liking my photo is not really that flattering and b) pretty much every man who contacts me on a dating site is at least somewhat attracted by my photo. I don’t get a whole lot of come-ons that begin, “I think you’re kind of homely but I thought I’d try to have sex with you anyway.”

:p

29 Nov 2012 Leave a comment

by okmatch in Disturbing Text Messages, No thanks, You know your date is crazy when... Tags: dating, lines, Match.com, no thanks, okcupid, online dating

Update on Date Sucked:

So, I didn’t respond to his 🙂.

His previous message said “Have a great Christmas.” Sure, that’s more polite than “Have a nice life” but with Christmas a month away, it’s definitely a blow off line. As in, don’t expect to hear from me before Christmas…or ever.

In that context, what exactly does the smile mean?

“Just kidding about never wanting to see you again. I’m having another mood swing and have decided I can’t live without you.”

Or maybe:

“Let’s be friends. I don’t have anything to say so I’ll just grin at you.”

I realize, if I continue a conversation with mood swing sober guy, I’m definitely the crazy one. I ignore the smile text.

The next day, he texts :p

Some possible translations:

“In elementary school, when I liked a girl, I stuck my tongue out at her. It totally worked!”

“Wanna have sex?”

“Words fail me. I am awed by your beauty and grace, your cool responses to my manic highs and inexplicable lows. When I said I wasn’t ready for a relationship, that was just fear talking. Now I’m ready to be brave and pursue a meaningful relationship. Are you willing to give me a third chance?”

“You…complete…me.”

Share the Thought

20 Nov 2012 Leave a comment

by okmatch in No thanks, Worst Opening Lines Tags: dating, lines, Match.com, no thanks, okcupid, online dating, punctuation

From the “uh, no thank you” files, received this message:

“Just say something,anything..speak from your mimd,share tje thought..”

That was the entire message. Not a word of introduction and no obvious reason for this beseeching tone. I mean, “say something, anything” is kind of plaintive on its own, but the “just” in front makes it seem like pleading. As if we’ve been in a relationship and I have been denying him my words and “tje thoughts.” Too desperate to fix typos, even.

And what’s with the punctuation? Not satisfied with a period, unwilling to commit to ellipses?